Premarriage Awareness
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Sound Beginnings and Expectations

1. I am expecting changes in my level of independence as a result of our marriage.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

11. Our decision to marry has been something of a struggle.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: agree

21. My fiancé(e) has been

Possible responses: more anxious than me to marry, less anxious than me to marry, we have been about equally motivated to marry

  Tiffany: we have been about equally motivated to marry      Ben: less anxious than me to marry

31. If I had to change one thing about my future spouse's physical appearance it would be his/her

Possible responses: hair style, height, weight, style of dress, other, nothing

  Tiffany: height      Ben: weight

41. My future spouse has

Possible responses: no habits or idiosyncrasies that annoy me, one habit that annoys me, two or three habits that kind of bother me

  Tiffany: two or three habits that kind of bother me      Ben: two or three habits that kind of bother me

51. I am aware of some significant shortcomings in my future spouse.

  Tiffany: n      Ben: n

61. My future spouse and I are the "perfect match."

  Tiffany: y      Ben: n

71. I am solving some problems by getting married.

  Tiffany: y      Ben: n

80. The areas where we disagree the most include (check as many as you like)

Possible responses: issues involving children, money, extended family, religion, other, none of the above

  Tiffany: money, other      Ben: money, other

88. My future spouse sometimes lets me know I've done something he/she doesn't approve of.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: agree

94. I have been hurt (emotionally) by my future spouse on occasion.

  Tiffany: n      Ben: y

99. We have specific ways of talking about and demonstrating forgiveness in our relationship.

  Tiffany: n      Ben: y

103. I find it difficult to tell my future spouse when I feel hurt, offended, or upset by something he/she has done.

  Tiffany: y      Ben: y

106. My partner uses alcohol and/or drugs

Possible responses: more often than I would prefer, regularly/habitually, occasionally/socially, never

  Tiffany: occasionally/socially      Ben: occasionally/socially

108. I use alcohol and/or drugs

Possible responses: more often than I would prefer, regularly/habitually, occasionally/socially, never

  Tiffany: never      Ben: occasionally/socially

110. I am concerned about the impact that alcohol or drugs will have on our marriage.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

111. My future spouse intends to pursue a career.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

112. I intend to pursue a career.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

113. Who will be the wage earner in your family?

Possible responses: male, female, both

  Tiffany: female      Ben: female

114. After we are married we will go out on a "date"

Possible responses: once a week or more, twice a month, once a month, less than once a month

  Tiffany: twice a month      Ben: twice a month

115. After we are married we will spend an average of (not including sleep)

Possible responses: two hours per day together, four hours per day together, six hours per day together, more than six hours per day together

  Tiffany: two hours per day together      Ben: two hours per day together

116. My future spouse knows little about what I am like

Possible responses: when I'm with other people, when I'm sick, when I'm really upset, when I'm really tired, when I get silly, when I'm with children, more than one of the above

  Tiffany: when I'm sick      Ben: when I'm sick, when I get silly

117. When I consider marriage I am most concerned about

Possible responses: becoming tied down, money, being a parent, finding a place to live, remaining happy, I'm not sure, other

  Tiffany: money      Ben: being a parent, I'm not sure

118. When it comes to marriage I think my future spouse is most concerned about

Possible responses: becoming tied down, money, being a parent, finding a place to live, remaining happy, I'm not sure, other

  Tiffany: money      Ben: money, remaining happy

119. Please select which responsibilities will primarily be female's, which will primarily be male's, and which will be equally shared.

Possible responses: house cleaning, yard work, spiritual leadership, parenting, major decisions, financial management, household repairs, grocery shopping, driving, pet care, cooking, laundry, car maintenance, social plans, answering mail

Ben:
house cleaning: shared
yard work: shared
spiritual leadership: shared
parenting: shared
major decisions: male
financial management: male
household repairs: female
Tiffany:
house cleaning: female
yard work: female
spiritual leadership: female
parenting: female
major decisions: shared
financial management: shared
household repairs: shared
grocery shopping: shared
driving: shared
pet care: shared
cooking: male
laundry: male
car maintenance: male
social plans: male
answering mail: female





Communication

2. I honestly think communication is one area we

Possible responses: are very good at, are okay with, should work harder on, have some problems with

  Tiffany: are okay with      Ben: are okay with

12. There are times when it is difficult to get my fiancé(e)'s attention.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: agree

22. How much time do you spend together just talking?

Possible responses: a lot, a moderate amount, less than I would like, very little

  Tiffany: a moderate amount      Ben: a moderate amount

32. We set aside time that has no other purpose to catch up on what's happening and how we are feeling.

Possible responses: yes, no, we share that information in the process of doing other things

  Tiffany: we share that information in the process of doing other things      Ben: yes

42. If my fiancé(e) has a difficult decision to make he/she

Possible responses: consults me always, consults me occasionally, consults me less often than I would prefer, works it through on his/her own

  Tiffany: consults me less often than I would prefer      Ben: consults me occasionally

52. My future spouse is

Possible responses: a better listener than talker, a better talker than listener

  Tiffany: a better talker than listener      Ben: a better listener than talker

62. Who tends to control your conversations?

Possible responses: I do, my future spouse does

  Tiffany: my future spouse does      Ben: I do

72. One thing we seldom discuss is

Possible responses: religion, sex, money, in-laws, extended family, feelings, previous relationships, issues about children, things we disagree about, other

  Tiffany: issues about children      Ben: sex

81. One thing I think we need to talk about more is

Possible responses: religion, sex, money, in-laws, extended family, feelings, previous relationships, issues about children, things we disagree about, other

  Tiffany: in-laws, extended family      Ben: feelings



Sharing Feelings

3. My fiancé(e) readily shares his/her feelings with me.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

13. When it comes to sharing feelings I think we

Possible responses: do a really good job, share adequately, are kind of hesitant to share, need to share more

  Tiffany: are kind of hesitant to share      Ben: are kind of hesitant to share

23. As I experience my fiancé(e)'s family origin, they

Possible responses: seem ready and willing to share feelings, are open to sharing feelings, but it doesn't happen often, would rather not talk about feelings, tend to remain very superficial in conversations

  Tiffany: are open to sharing feelings, but it doesn't happen often      Ben: are open to sharing feelings, but it doesn't happen often

33. When I am feeling angry my fiancé(e)

Possible responses: tries to convince me I shouldn't be angry, tries to help me get over being angry, just listens, stays away, other

  Tiffany: stays away      Ben: stays away

43. It is difficult to share my feelings with my partner when I am disappointed in him/her.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: agree

53. When my partner is upset, he/she

Possible responses: gets crabby, gets depressed, tries not to show it, gets violent, other

  Tiffany: gets depressed      Ben: gets violent

63. I have seen my fiancé(e) cry.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: agree

73. I have experience or know of a time when my fiancé(e) has been afraid.

  Tiffany: n      Ben: n

82. I know my fiancé(e)'s dreams for the future concerning work/careers.

Possible responses: yes, no, somewhat, but I would like to know more

  Tiffany: somewhat, but I would like to know more      Ben: somewhat, but I would like to know more

89. I know my fiancé(e)'s dreams and fears concerning our marriage/family life.

Possible responses: yes, no, somewhat, but I would like to know more

  Tiffany: no      Ben: yes

95. The emotion that I have seen expressed least often by my partner is

Possible responses: discouragement, anger, sadness, fear, excitement

  Tiffany: discouragement      Ben: fear

100. The feeling that I have the most difficulty conveying to my fiancé(e) is

Possible responses: discouragement, anger, sadness, fear, excitement

  Tiffany: discouragement      Ben: anger



Personality/Relating Style

4. When meeting new people my partner is

Possible responses: outgoing, sociable, shy

  Tiffany: outgoing      Ben: shy

14. In general, I think other people find my partner to be

Possible responses: easy to get to know, fun to be around, difficult to get close to, reserved and quiet, somewhat difficult to get along with

  Tiffany: difficult to get close to      Ben: fun to be around

24. Differences in our relating styles or our comfort level with other people sometimes put a strain on our social life.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: agree

34. I am

Possible responses: strong-willed, flexible

  Tiffany: flexible      Ben: flexible

44. My fiancé(e) is

Possible responses: strong-willed, flexible

  Tiffany: flexible      Ben: flexible

54. My partner is usually open to hearing others' opinions and/or changing his/her mind on an issue through discussion.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: disagree

64. My partner is

Possible responses: open-minded, very opinionated, set in his/her ways

  Tiffany: very opinionated      Ben: open-minded

74. In our relationship, I would characterize my fiancé(e) as

Possible responses: aggressive, passive, assertive

  Tiffany: assertive      Ben: assertive

83. In our relationship, I am

Possible responses: aggressive, passive, assertive

  Tiffany: assertive      Ben: assertive

90. My fiancé(e) seems to have pretty much the same personality whether he/she is relating to me, or to people at work, or to friends.

Possible responses: agree, disagree, not sure

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: disagree

96. My fiancé(e)

Possible responses: is easily discouraged, has a lot of "stick-to-it-tiveness"

  Tiffany: has a lot of "stick-to-it-tiveness"      Ben: has a lot of "stick-to-it-tiveness"

101. I...

Possible responses: am easily discouraged, have a lot of "stick-to-it-tiveness"

  Tiffany: am easily discouraged      Ben: am easily discouraged

104. When it comes to decision-making as a couple

Possible responses: I generally have the most influence, my partner generally has the most influence

  Tiffany: my partner generally has the most influence      Ben: my partner generally has the most influence

107. Who tends to have more control or power in your relationship?

Possible responses: female, male, neither; it feels like we are mostly equal

  Tiffany: male      Ben: female

109. I notice things about how my partner relates to me that are similar to the way his/her parents relate to one another.

Possible responses: yes, no, I don't know

  Tiffany: yes      Ben: no



Conflict Resolution/Problem-Solving

5. Conflict is not a good thing in marriage.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: disagree

15. When we disagree, my first reaction is to

Possible responses: argue verbally, use the "silent treatment", give in

  Tiffany: give in      Ben: argue verbally

25. When we disagree about something

Possible responses: one of us usually "wins", both of us end up giving a little to reach an agreement, neither of us budges and so some issues don’t get resolved, sometimes a, sometimes b, and sometimes c-depending on the issue

  Tiffany: sometimes a, sometimes b, and sometimes c-depending on the issue      Ben: sometimes a, sometimes b, and sometimes c-depending on the issue

35. A tactic I use when we argue is

Possible responses: mentioning a previous relationship, bringing up past mistakes, not saying anything, sarcasm, raising my voice/intimidation, crying/pity, other, I never use unfair tactics in conflict

  Tiffany: not saying anything      Ben: raising my voice/intimidation

45. A tactic my future spouse uses in arguments is

Possible responses: mentioning a previous relationship, bringing up past mistakes, not saying anything, sarcasm, raising my voice/intimidation, crying/pity, other, he/she never use unfair tactics in conflict

  Tiffany: bringing up past mistakes      Ben: not saying anything

55. I can think of a time when my future spouse has been supportive as I have struggled with a problem involving someone or some issue outside of our relationship.

Possible responses: agree, disagree, I usually work out such problems on my own

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: agree

65. My fiancé(e) has sometimes offered information that has helped me resolve an issue about work or school I was struggling with.

Possible responses: agree, disagree, I usually work through those issues on my own

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

75. My future spouse has confronted me on more than one occasion regarding something I had been ignoring or avoiding.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: agree

84. My future spouse at times has suggested other resource people who might be able to help me with a problem I’m having (like a doctor, counselor, pastor, consultant, etc.)

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: agree

91. We know where we would turn if we needed help resolving marriage/family problems.

Possible responses: agree, disagree, we address our problems ourselves

  Tiffany: we address our problems ourselves      Ben: disagree



Family and Friends

6. When it comes to future in-laws, I

Possible responses: worry about the impression I will make, feel right at home, am unsure whether they accept my presence, some combination of a, b, and c, but that's okay

  Tiffany: am unsure whether they accept my presence      Ben: some combination of a, b, and c, but that's okay

16. I think my extended family in general and/or certain members of my extended family

Possible responses: will avoid involvement in our affairs, want to know what’s going on with us in all circumstances, may have a tendency to offer us too much advice or be meddlesome

  Tiffany: will avoid involvement in our affairs      Ben: will avoid involvement in our affairs

26. It is alright to receive financial support from parents and/or relatives.

  Tiffany: y      Ben: y

36. My partner’s parents are enthused about our upcoming marriage.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: disagree

46. My parents are enthused about our coming marriage.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

56. My parents influence our relationship

Possible responses: a great deal, sometimes, not very often, rarely

  Tiffany: not very often      Ben: rarely

66. It is good to seek advice from extended family members regarding child-raising questions.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: agree

76. It is sometimes helpful to discuss family issues with members of our extended family.

Possible responses: okay to discuss with male's family, okay to discuss with female's family , we would be better off finding other resource people to help us

  Tiffany: we would be better off finding other resource people to help us      Ben: okay to discuss with female's family

85. When will you start a family?

Possible responses: we do not intend to have children, we already have or are expecting a child, as soon as we are married, in a year or two, when we have both finished our education, I'm not sure, other

  Tiffany: in a year or two      Ben: when we have both finished our education

92. How many children would you like to have?

Possible responses: none, one, two, three, more than three

  Tiffany: more than three      Ben: three

97. We have spent a significant amount of time talking about parenting styles.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: agree

102. How many couples do you have as friends?

Possible responses: none, one, two, three or more

  Tiffany: two      Ben: one

105. I know

Possible responses: most of my fiancé(e)'s friends, few of his/her friends, none of his/her friends

  Tiffany: none of his/her friends      Ben: few of his/her friends



Finances and Legal Issues

7. We have made an attempt to make a budget for us to follow.

  Tiffany: y      Ben: y

17. We have looked into getting health and life insurance together, and/or have discussed updating beneficiaries and coverage on current policies to reflect our wishes.

  Tiffany: y      Ben: y

27. My fiancé(e) and I have made wills, or have updated our wills to reflect our wishes as we enter this marriage.

  Tiffany: n      Ben: n

37. Our greatest monthly expense will be

Possible responses: housing, food, car payment, credit cards, school loans, other

  Tiffany: credit cards      Ben: credit cards

47. Our monthly housing cost including utilities will be

Possible responses: less than $500, $500-750, $750-$1,000, $1,000-$1,500, more than $1,500

  Tiffany: $750-$1,000      Ben: $750-$1,000

57. I have some outstanding debts.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

67. When we are married we will have

Possible responses: no credit cards, one credit card, more than one credit card

  Tiffany: one credit card      Ben: one credit card

77. We agree about the use/non-use of credit, credit cards, and loans.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

86. When it comes to spending, who is the most conservative?

Possible responses: female, male

  Tiffany: female      Ben: male

93. Who will be in charge of financial management?

Possible responses: male, female, both

  Tiffany: both      Ben: female

98. We will have

Possible responses: a joint checking account, individual accounts, both joint and individual accounts, no checking account

  Tiffany: both joint and individual accounts      Ben: individual accounts



Sexuality

8. Sex is one topic we don’t talk about much.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

18. As I consider the physical, sexual aspects of our relationship I feel

Possible responses: concerned, positive, uncertain, nothing special one way or another

  Tiffany: nothing special one way or another      Ben: positive

28. I sometimes wonder if my partner will remain satisfied with me sexually.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: agree

38. On the topic of sexuality, I think I am

Possible responses: well informed, basically knowledgeable, in need of more information

  Tiffany: in need of more information      Ben: in need of more information

48. I wonder how my sexual history will affect the future of our relationship.

Possible responses: yes, no, would rather not respond

  Tiffany: yes      Ben: yes

58. I have had a premarriage physical examination.

  Tiffany: n      Ben: n

68. We have discussed and agreed on a method for family planning.

  Tiffany: y      Ben: y

78. I think we communicate our feelings and sensitivity to each other’s needs in our physical relationship.

Possible responses: all of the time, most of the time, not sure we give enough attention to the intimacy part of sex

  Tiffany: most of the time      Ben: not sure we give enough attention to the intimacy part of sex

87. Sexual fidelity (faithfulness) in marriage is

Possible responses: absolutely important, very important, important, optional, irrelevant

  Tiffany: optional      Ben: important



Lifestyle

9. My future spouse takes care of his/her body through exercise, nutrition, and rest.

Possible responses: most of the time, some of the time, could improve, I am concerned about certain aspects of my fiancé(e)'s physical health

  Tiffany: some of the time      Ben: could improve

19. My future spouse is more of the

Possible responses: stay-at-home type, always-on-the-go type

  Tiffany: always-on-the-go type      Ben: stay-at-home type

29. I would like to live

Possible responses: in a large city, in a small town, in a suburb, in the country

  Tiffany: in a suburb      Ben: in a suburb

39. After we are married we will live

Possible responses: in a house, in an apartment, in a townhome, with relatives, I'm not sure, other

  Tiffany: with relatives      Ben: in a townhome

49. We enjoy

Possible responses: most of the same social and recreational activities, some of the same social and recreational activities, few of the same social and recreational activities

  Tiffany: few of the same social and recreational activities      Ben: few of the same social and recreational activities

59. We tend to participate in the interests and activities of my fiancé(e) more often than in mine.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: agree

69. There are some social/recreational activities that my partner is involved in that I would rather not participate in with him/her.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: agree



Religion

10. My faith is of great importance to me.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: agree

20. Shared spirituality plays an important part in our relationship.

Possible responses: agree, disagree, I think spiritual intimacy is an untapped resource for us

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: disagree

30. I am concerned about how we will integrate our different religious backgrounds in marriage.

  Tiffany: agree      Ben: disagree

40. We pray together.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree

50. I go to church

Possible responses: regularly, on special days, occasionally, rarely

  Tiffany: occasionally      Ben: occasionally

60. We are involved in a church together.

  Tiffany: n      Ben: n

70. My fiancé(e) and I are from the same religious background.

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: agree

79. I take part in some church activities in addition to regular services (i.e., choir, study groups, committees, etc.).

  Tiffany: disagree      Ben: disagree