Premarriage Awareness

A sample section from the Administrator's Portfolio: Personality/Relating Style

V. Personality/Relating Style

Items 5 and 99 talk about social involvement. Is one individual more comfortable in social settings than the other? If so, is the difference wide enough that it causes a strain in their social life?

Items 14, 23, 84, and 90 are about flexibility and rigidity in relating to one another. Rigid people need to work at being open to each other's influence, especially in decision-making and conflict resolution, if the members are to have a vital relationship.

Items 32 and 41 discuss relating style. Aggressive people tend to be self-oriented. Passive people are other-person-oriented. Assertive people seek a balance in self-interest and concern for others. If you have one very passive person and one very aggressive person, the aggressive person dominates and the passive person slowly becomes angry or withdraws from the relationship.

Items 50 and 59 indicate how willing individuals are to persevere in difficult times. Do they have "staying power" in their relationship? If both individuals are easily discouraged, what provides the underlying stability in their relationship?

Items 68 and 77 ask about control or dominance in the relationship. Responses are most important if individuals see this balance of power differently. Also, if one individual is clearly the dominant personality, it is good to check out how the other person feels about that fact.

"A" responses in item 95 are important if the behaviors they refer to are perceived as negative. We bring a lot of relating habits with us from our families of origin. It takes conscious, deliberate effort to change some of these patterns—many of which we may not even be aware of until they are brought to our attention.